people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
