I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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