When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
high people should be assigned attendants
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
