pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
