god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
