You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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