I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
