Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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