I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
