How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
