i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
