I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
