STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
