WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
even my farts smell like vagina
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
