Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
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