i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
pray to the hookup gods
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
