he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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