I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
