Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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