dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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