I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
