plz talk dirty to me
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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