Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
