So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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