please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
