I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
