You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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