So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
