You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
