just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
