somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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