I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
