wakey wakey hands off snakey
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
