Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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