he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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