watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
