Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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