Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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