there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
