is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
