Just fell off a train. Bad.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
