Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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