Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
