I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Sext me about skeletons
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
