She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Randomize
