I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
