I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
