The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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