i already hear my dad disowning me
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
