it was like a zeppelin in a condom
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
