im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
of course. lets lasso hookers.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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